so that wasnt chicken after all
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
