I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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