He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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