I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize