I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
