It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
