Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
