Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
