my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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