I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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