Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
