Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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