I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
