i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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