he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
