Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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