somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
