dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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