youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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