There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
