she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
