dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
