How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
