Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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