so that wasnt chicken after all
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
