I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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