I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
