Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
