She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
