i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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