I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He did a backflip because drugs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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