when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
