It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
