dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
