what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
