Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
