she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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