grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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