im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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