He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
