End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
