i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
