oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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