take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
