ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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