Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
