i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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