I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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