for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We are all done wearing pants today
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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