If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
