my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
