I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
