id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
