oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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