well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
