dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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