The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
