my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize