I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
